On today’s show, author and shaman Raven Kaldera talks about spiritual BDSM. Can it be part of your spiritual journey? Can sex and BDSM be a spiritual path?

We also talk about what to wear – from socks and undies to a pimping my new leather vest!

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Links for this show –
Raven Kaldera
Winter Wickedness

I had an awesome weekend at Woodsstocks. Met wonderful people and had a great time.

One thing that really surprised me though, was what turned out to be so special. I would think the presentation,
or a scene or time spent with new friends would be what stands out in my memories. But, even though all of that was
great…what stands out the most is my chance to do service.

Another leather house was there and the submissive of the house had brought real dishes and table clothes and such
for all of the meals. The Master of the house invited Dan and I to join them during one of their lunches. Dan offered
my services to help serve the meal. I was so excited at the prospect!!! In the past I would have been a little nervous.
But, not this time. This really spoke to my heart and I knew I’d make Sir proud. I showed up early to the lunch space
and offered my services to the head slave. She showed me how she likes to set the table. I layed out cloth napkins and
flowers on each plate. I put together bowls of strawberries and cherries. I placed glasses of drink in the correct place
on the table. I stood with the other submissives as we waited for the Dominants to take their place. I waited to eat until
the head Master had had his first bite and Dan told me I could eat.

Then, Dan stood and thanked the Master of the house for inviting us to lunch with them and let them know that he was honored.
I got up from the table and retreived the fruit juice that he had brought for camping, and some chocolate that we had bought the night before,
offered it to the Master and then to the rest of the house. I loved how it made me feel to be serving the host house with our house’s
offering of gratitude.

Dan was my Master and I was his slave. We were of one leather house, having formal lunch with another leather house. Being able
To serve in such an environment …..the experience was amazing to me. My heart was happy.

I had to go thank them more than once for providing such an atmosphere and giving me the chance to serve.

Our first informal gather went great! We had a good time, good turn out, and a lot of positive feedback. More coming

My journey from a submissive to a slave

Sometimes it’s hard to sit here and put into words something that so changed my life. How do you put into words what drives you to pull out a piece of yourself and try to live a fantasy life with it? Then, how it becomes not just a fantasy, but your life, your being?

It is very hard for me to put into words my journey from submissive to slave. I don’t even remember if it was a goal of mine or that I understood the difference between the two until it happened.

When Dan and I decided to move into together, we knew that we were going to give D/s a try on a deeper level than we had done before. Before it was ….well, not so much ‘play’….but it wasn’t 24/7. We were only D/s during certain times that we had set up before hand. This little taste of D/s became a very real craving for me. The times of submission that I experienced spoke to my soul. I needed to submit to Dan. I enjoyed that fear that happened from trusting him and that growth that happened when I walked through the fears. I enjoyed trusting someone so completely. That is where my empowerment came from. I’ve had a distrust of people for a long time and a distrust of myself. To totally let that go and trust that my Dominant had my best interest at heart, was very heady for me. Though I struggled with some of the commands, I wanted to let go more and more. I resisted and even as a submissive, I still questioned some of the things that he had me do. I didn’t want to question. I wanted to be completely his and totally trusting of what he would have me do.

I worked on that, not knowing where it would lead me, but knowing that is where I wanted to be. I stopped pointing things out to him that I wanted him to recognize. I trusted that he knew me well enough to know what I needed. I stopped asking questions or at least knew how to ask the questions with respect. I sank deeper and deeper into my submission to Him. Those that knew me knew that I put Him first. And I did. Taking care of Him was my goal and serving Him was my true passion.

Then, there came a day that I stopped asking ‘why’. I just did as I was told and believed that is what I was supposed to do. I took care of Him as completely as I could. My mind was always on how I could serve Him. The resistence had left. We both recognized that I had become slave. No trumpets, no fanfare. It just was. I then understood the difference between submissive and slave. It is beyond words. It is a way of being. It is who I am.

Today, a belt was wrapped around my neck and I was pulled down to kiss His feet. I obeyed instantly and completely. No question as to why this was happening or if it was punishment or reward or anything else. I obeyed. I kissed His feet. I was totally present in the action of the moment and being allowed to worship his feet and therefore, Him. I did not struggle or question. There was no struggle in my heart. As he pulled me up, the belt tightened and the blackness began creeping in from the sides of my vision. I did not struggle. I trusted completely that he would take care of me. He did so as I knew he would. Over the years he has earned my complete trust. He is my Master. I am His slave.

A few days ago I told (my submissive) to do something. I did not tell her to have it done by Monday or by any specific day. But I feel like it should have been done by now.

This could be considered unfair of me to have expectations and not clearly communicate them, and in a younger relationship it would be.

But there gets to a point of being instinctive. On my part and on hers.

I told (my submissive)”do this” and I feel like it should be done now. Cultivating instinct – I feel thus, and thus I act, and act rightly – is very important to develop in a Dom/me. And actually…act rightly isn’t as important as action.

For me, the trick is don’t let your brain get too involved in this. My brain checked in – “how long has it been; what else is going on; were my instructions clear?” but I have to be careful that I won’t make excuses. The instinct – this should be done by now – comes first. Then, the brain is only used to temper my response. Should there be punishment (significant physical or loss of privilege), discipline (stand in the corner, write an apology, or kneel while I explain the failure) or just a push (not so gentle reminder, vocal confirmation that she is working on it).

House Metta Guiding Principles

Respect – for yourself, for those in relationships with you, and for the life you have chosen

Honor – be true to yourself and to your ethics. They are yours. Let those in relationships with you be treated in such a way to reflect there value as a human being. Do not misunderstand that the terms of Ms to imply that you can treat others with less than the honor that all humans deserve

Growth – Take the hard path. Push, reach, strive, and grow. Always face forward and walk toward your desire with courage.

(An essay I wrote a short time ago)

I began this trip some time back. Unlike many people I have met (ok, not
met, but seen online), I can not claim that at 44 years old I’ve been a
Master for 30 years. No, my first relationships and two marriages were as
Vanilla as Vanilla can be. It wasn’t until 2000 that I started a
relationship that had a power exchange element to it from the get go, and
not until 2001 that a collar became a permanent part of someones neck in my
charge. That is the point I went from bedroom dom, to Dom, to Master.

I did not earn my leathers at that point. I did not get a cool scene name
after serving under a powerful mentor. Instead, I claimed a slave, and the
responsibilites of that, on a 24/7 full time basis. That is what defines a
Master – claiming responsiblity for the training, well being, *and *actions
of a slave.

My slave and I created a Ds support group, and after some time, created
another. We hosted over a dozen formal events and taught an occasion class
on Ds/Ms relationships.

Other slaves came and went into the life of my first slave and mine (“There
have been others, to be sure. There are always others, are there not?”)*.
But I have never been one to have more than two (ok, a very brief instance
of three) at a time as my style of training is not suited to more than a few
at a time. And my needs are not so extravagant to need 5 or 6 slaves.
Each slave that came into my life brought honor and benifit to me and our
House. I believe that they gained something from their association with us
as well.

At a point, I stripped my first slave of her collar, and we tried to be
not-Ms. Over time, more and more Ms came into our life regardless. No
collar, no formal contract, no titles. But a slaves heart serving, a Masters
desire…it naturally flowed back to us.

And as important events happen in our lives, we came to realize that a
position of strength for us is that bond, that Ms relationship we created
and nutured for so many years. We have let it live subtle within us, but now
we are ready to once more acknowledge and claim it.

You see, I think I had forgotten that I am a Master. I had forgotten that
nearly all of my healthy relationships have been Ms ones. I fell in love
with a vanilla girl (well, vanilla twist), Karen, and although my relationship with
first slave continued with a subtle Ds heart beat, I began to do well in a
non Ms relationship as well, as a non Ms person. And fortunately, Karen and my relationship
continued to grow, and faced with new challenges, I feel back and
back until I found my seat of power. My center, my seat of power, my
balance, is that I am a Master. And it does not change the relationship with
“vanilla twist” – I have no desire to be her Master nor to change who she is
or who we are. Our relationship is in balance as is – as long as I do not
reject who I am, or try to live in a style I don’t have the tools for. There
are perhaps a 1000 ways to do poly, we are finding our path.

And this Master bows to his first slave.
I bow to you, dansarani, for I know how you have suffered before we became
who we are. I know how you struggled to become what you viewed where you
should be. I know how you have flown free – sometimes with success, sometime
with anguish. And here you are, waiting for me to claim you once more. When
you no longer need to be claim, but just want it. Waiting, even though now
you know me better than ever, and know I will not protect you from pain, but
will do what I can to prevent harm.

When will you come to your senses and beg for that collar?
When will I remember my honor and demand you take it?

Honor

Respect

Growth

We are reworking a few of our older presentations; recording some new tracks for Erotic World Weekly; looking foward to Path of the Qadishti audio tonight; working on a ‘what is a mentor’ for House Metta….

Overall, keeping busy

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Someone asked on a local message board (regarding a Ds or Ms environment)

“What would you do if some Dom came over and spanked your butt in passing without even a ‘howdy do’ first?”

This answer, from chantryss, was so perfect I asked her if I could repost it here.

“IIn such a situation, I would immediately actually ask the Dom if he had my (Masters) permission , listen to his response, then excuse myself and go straight to talk to (Master) about it.  Trust but verify maybe the right term for that.